OOTD: More Gwynnie Bee, office edition

OOTD from a couple weeks ago

Photo description: a standing selfie taken in an office bathroom with stalls. My hair is pulled back, with clear glasses, large circular earrings, and a brass forearm crutch. I'm wearing a camel colored collarless blazer with a brown multi toned tea length dress.

This blazer and dress combo was another outfit from Gwynnie Bee.  I was having a really rough pain day (hence the pulled back & somewhat greasy hair), but I was trying to compensate by looking pretty.  This dress got a lot of compliments at work!  It was also decently comfortable, although the arms on the blazer were a little snug.  It also came with a decorative belt, but my spine said "no" to anything sitting firmly near my cyborg bits.

So far, I'm pretty happy with Gwynnie Bee...I just wish I could have more control of what garments come at what time, but it's been satisfying my desire to shop but keeps me to a better budget with the membership cost (free to try with this link, then starts at $35 per month depending on how many garments at a time you have).

One of these days I'll have an OOTD (outfit of the day) with my wheelchair.  Because my office and campus as a whole aren't particularly wheelchair accessible, I've been toughing it out with my crutch and pain meds.

OTOD: Clothing the Cyborgling!

Because my brain has been stuck in painville, I've been back to playing with various aesthetic things lately again.  Since I'm still in love with my current hairstyle (an undercut with the top layer shoulder length), still in love with my bright auburn hair dye (although, if my job would allow me to, I would love to play with funky colors), and am not in a financial position to get the tattoos that I'm planning, I'm left with clothing and makeup.  I'm not a particularly feminine person most of the time, but my adventures in appearance-related things always feels like drag.

"We're born naked, and the rest is drag." ~RuPaul

The problem is that this kind of experiment always ends up being expensive, and my finances really haven't sorted themselves out since a while before my spine surgery almost a year ago.  Not only is it monetarily expensive, but it can be hard from a physical energy standpoint (trying on clothes when you have trouble bending or twisting makes trying on things in store more difficult).  It's also a hassle when many companies that cater to people above a size 14 sell most of their clothes online.

So when I heard about this company called Gwynnie Bee on Facebook and through an article on xoJane I was intrigued.  What it is is a subscription clothing service that you pay a monthly fee for (the first month is free with a referral, so if you are interested check it out), with the fee dependent on how many items you want out at a time much like Netflix with physical DVDs.  It caters to sizes 10-32 and has dresses, tops, skirts, blazers, and cardigans from a variety of clothing labels (sadly no pants...I have the most problem with pants).

I'd been waffling on the service for a while because of the price.  It starts out at $35 a month for one garment at a time (shipping both ways included in that price), but I realized that I probably wasted that much trying to find things that I like, that fit me well, that are work appropriate, and that last more than a few washes (which is my current issue with Old Navy right now).  I figured that the first month free was a good way to try it out, so here's my first item....an Asos Curve tailored skater skirt with a belt.

Black + black + black

Photo description: the author seated on a bench taking a self-photo in an accessible dressing room with a black tshirt, black flared skirt, brown belt, black leggings, and black boots. She is holding one of the grab bars with her right hand, and the left is holding a cellphone to take the photo.

Thanks to measurements that one of my conference roommates took in November for my wedding garb, I had a better idea of what size would work for me. This skirt was great, although I've never worn a high-waisted garment like this before so I was constantly fussing with the skirt waist (it was a little loose, so that didn't help).  I felt cute, looked professional enough for my office (with a cardigan over the shirt), and the whole experience made it so I have a better idea of how Asos Curve's size chart runs (a little big, but worked well on my pear shaped body with my 10-11 inch difference between my waist & hips).

This skirt was great for the office on a day where I was using my crutch to get around.  Since my wheelchair doesn't have clothing guards, this skirt won't work for a wheeling day (I'm sitting in the photo above to show how poofy the skirt is since I was walking and not wheeling that evening).  There are a lot of skirts and dresses that like to get tangled in crutches and canes, so I'm really happy with this style overall.

I wore the skirt once then popped it in the pre-paid, pre-addressed bag so I could get the next item in my queue (they call it the closet).  They dry clean every item in between customers!  Pretty slick deal.

There are a few things I find a little annoying about the service though.  You have to have six items in your closet for them to ship an item, and you don't get to pick what ships.  I was actually hoping that this red leopard print dress from Asos Curve was going to ship first, but alas.  The second complaint I have is that they don't have pants.  I'm guessing that this is because pants can wear out faster depending on body shape (like chub rub for those of us with pear or hourglass shapes, or with large thighs).  The last one I have is that some of the items are much more "trendy" than I would normally wear, so I had trouble finding enough items that I wanted to try right off the bat....although since I only have one item out at a time, I decided to put different colors of the same item in my closet to try to increase my chances of getting a style I wanted, even if the color wasn't my favorite.

I just received my second item today to try out, this red polka dotted dress from Cherry Velvet.  I'm not in love with the pattern, but I snagged it to try the cut of the dress.  I'll post another OTOD (outfit of the day) to tell you all how it went!

Cyborg Dance Projekt: Un/lucky 13

Photo description: extreme close-up of pale skin with a tattoo of a green shamrock and the number 13 underneath. The skin is shiny from new tattoo ointment.

Although I'm not particularly superstitious, thirteen is my lucky number.  I love Friday the 13th as some really wonderful things have happened to me on that day.  So week 13 is getting its own CDP post.

Ever since the workshop with Issam Houshan, I've been practicing my doumbek almost daily, even if I can only spare 10-15 minutes to do it (enough time to keep the muscle memory of where my hands need to be for doum, tek, and ka....not really enough to get significantly better at it, but my time is limited with work, class, physical therapy, etc).  It's also been a chance to really learn various rhythms and their names so I know the difference between a baladi, malfouf, saiidi, ayub, and others.

Dance-wise, it's been rough.  I'm doing a round of aquatic physical therapy at the suggestion of my pain management doctor (see my post on FFF entitled "Doctors don't say that...unless you're fat" for more information on why I consented).  My dance schedule was Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday evenings with PT on Monday and Wednesday mornings.  It's also mashed up with a higher dose of nortriptyline (a medication that helps with nerve pain) and getting back on my growth hormone replacement...in all honesty, it could be a horrific mashup of everything at once causing a rough week.  In short, my pain level has been pretty hellacious, combined with leg weakness, balance problems, and proprioception issues.

I've been making it to a class every other Sunday (either intermediate cab or ATS level 3), every Tuesday ATS level 2, and either intermediate drills/layering or intermediate tribaret, but I use every spare spoon I have in my arsenal to get through just one class.  I sometimes dance with my TENS unit on...which isn't ideal because sweat + electrodes = bad zappy. I'm not sure where my ability to do 2-3 classes back-to-back went (from the beginning of the Projekt), but I feel like I found my dance shot clock.  I feel like my body is trying to tell me that dancing is not something I will be able to keep up with long term....but I don't know what "long term" really means.

With this in mind, I'm going to dance my heart out in a blaze of glory.  I'm going to try to perform as often as I can, to take classes with as many instructors as I can, and live it up.  I'm going to try to pinch pennies and fund raise to go to the Fat Chance Belly Dance American Tribal Style General Skills workshop in St. Louis, Missouri in August 2014. If you want to help me get there, I have a Paypal donation button at the bottom of this post and am considering a GoFundMe project to make it happen.

I'm going to keep up with all my pain management modalities (ice, TENS, medication, physical therapy) and try to keep my hopes up.

Cyborg Dance Projekt week 6: Four zills forward, a couple steps back

New elastic on old zills

Photo shows pale fingers with plain brass finger cymbals (zills) strapped on with white elastic.

I was feeling pretty ok yesterday, which for me means that my pain level was around a 5 or 6 according to the pain tracker I use on my iPhone.  My brain was a bit squirrely,  so I figured a good trio of dance classes would be pretty ok based on how I was doing (I was still in enough pain that trying to read or write was going to be difficult, but dancing....that I felt like I could do).  So I headed for the studio for the ATS levels 1 & 2 classes, with the possibility of my usual 8:15pm class to round it out.

The first class went fine.  I knew that doing bodywaves would be hard on my spine, so I did less of them.  I stood back sometimes and watched (because mental rehearsal is still part of rehearsing!) and sometimes I would hold the wall for support.  I felt ok (thanks in part to pain medication taken before class), so I decided to stay for the next class.

 ATS level 2 went really well, but I didn't have the chance to stand back to rest and take in information like I did in the first class.  I was having fun with a pair of zills that a classmate let me use (these beautiful Saroyan Afghani zills that I didn't think I would be able to play because of the size...but I used them the whole time!  She also showed me an awesome zill elastic trick using hair ties).  I was sweaty and happy, but trying to ignore that my spine was getting tired.

I stayed for the last class just because I wanted to...I knew my spine was getting tired, but Melissa is cool with me modifying anything I need to modify.  Instead of drilling, we've been working on musicality in fusion bellydance (shared vocabulary between cabaret and tribal styles using different accents or register).  It didn't take long for me to need to use the wall for support, or to squat while listening.  Towards the end of the class, my cyborg bits were just done and I sat on the floor for the last bit (but still danced).

When I got home, my body just started shutting me down.  First with wicked exhaustion, then with my right glute squeezing the nerve so hard that I couldn't put weight on it.  My partner had to help me get to and from the bathroom because it felt like I was being stabbed with a screwdriver in my rear.

It's taken me a few days to get that irritated nerve calmed down to the point that I'm not limping and wincing as badly.  I think the lesson is that three classes back-to-back, no matter how well I feel that day, is just too much for this aging gimpy body, at least for the foreseeable future.

Flying with Wheels: Happy geek!

MSP airport, jetlagged at the baggage claim

For those of you that didn't see it, I have a few other "flying with wheels" posts that you can take a look at.  Here's last year's posts about my annual trip to Minnesota on US Airways and back to North Carolina on United and here's the post about flying on United to and from San Francisco.  I think as I fly more, I may add a link to my blog gathering these posts for ease of use.  These posts can get a little long because of detail, just FYI.

The photo on the right shows me, a pale fat woman, using a manual sports wheelchair, wearing jeans, a black shirt, a wide brimmed Renaissance-style hat, with a brass forearm crutch held between my legs and an army green purse.  The background is the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport baggage claim with strangers in the background.

I got back on July 9th from my annual trip to visit my family and friends in Minnesota (I started writing this as I got back...but my brain issues as of late delayed this).  Part of the trip is to spend 4 days at CONvergence, a medium sized sci-fi convention that I absolutely adore (it's about 18 times smaller than San Diego Comic-Con, just for reference.  CONvergence was just under 7,000 people this year). 

Because of a discussion with my partner and my good friend (both of whom were coming with this year), I decided to bring the hat (see last post on the awesome jaunty hat dilemma) as well as the wheelchair and one forearm crutch.  They both told me that they could help me with whatever carry-on items I wanted to bring with so I could deal with the crutch and the chair cushion (that gets removed from the chair before boarding and stowed in an overhead bin as it's too wide for an airline seat).

We were flying US Airways (my hands-down favorite airline because of how they've handled my mobility needs in the past) to Minneapolis with a layover in Washington, DC.  We checked some of our luggage at the ticket counter for ease, and had a pretty smooth check-in and TSA security process.  Learning from previous flights, I rolled up to the conveyor belt, deposited my bag, shoes, jaunty hat, and my crutch, and scooted close to the Star Trek-looking scanner.  I told the agent that I should be able to stand long enough for the scan.  He then gave me a wooden cane to use to get to and from the scanner while my things were security scanned (along with the wheelchair wipe-down for bomb-powder or drugs).  Despite my best efforts to not get frisked, my jeans were slightly bunched behind my knees and I got a partial patdown.

When we all got through screening, we had enough time to snag some milk so I could take some pain medication and muscle relaxers....but we slightly missed pre-boarding (I blame the carpet at the GSO airport....carpeted ramps are evil for manual wheelers).  It wasn't a big deal though because the gate agent got me my wheelchair tag quickly and without fuss, double-checked that I didn't need an aisle chair.  Since the plane wasn't full, the agent bumped the three of us to the first row!  That was awesome as the first row usually has immovable arm rests, which mean I don't have to fight my brain telling me that the human next to me isn't soaking wet with warm body fluids (hooray for nerve damage giving incorrect information *sarcasm*).

The first flight was uneventful as was the second.  Reagan International Airport in Washington, DC isn't my favorite one to navigate while gimpy because of the sheer number of elevators and escalators (my last trip through that airport involved around 10 elevators), we managed to have our arrival gate and departure gate near each other.  We had a bit of a scare at first because we thought my seat was in an exit row, but we managed to get that cleared up.  We were split up on this flight because of some check-in coordination issues (not all the tickets were bought at the same time), but I ended up dozing off watching episodes of Arrow on my iPad instead of being social.

Our arrival at MSP was pretty smooth as well.  Airline baggage handlers always manage to muck up the velcro on my chair, but both my partner and my good friend have traveled with me enough to know how to fix everything without my directing (perfect because I always have to find a bathroom when we land, regardless of length of flight!).

~~~~~~~~

Our trip back to Greensboro was equally uneventful.  We had two main frustrations.  The first one is that we didn't do the online check-in the day before the flight, so there was no way to change our seating assignment.  The second was that the MSP TSA (the gate security folks) usually fast-tracks wheelers in the security line because we hold up the line with our equipment and the extra frisking....that didn't happen this time.  I did get split up from my partner, but my friend was there behind me to help with my back, hat, and whatnot. 

Once we got to the gate, I prayed that the gate agent would be able to do something about our seating situation.  We were slightly split up, but my friend and I were in the very last row....which was pretty darn difficult navigating with my wonky balance and a crutch (thank goodness for pre-boarding for "special needs" so I wasn't falling into people).  The plane was too packed to do anything though, and I found out the hard way that I never want to be in the back row again because the seat was set at a permanent slightly-reclined position (I have to sit straight up....any leaning back puts pressure on nerves into my legs and causes severe leg pain and spasms).  It was a long flight, but it could have been worse.

Our layover was in Charlotte, NC, which is one of my favorite airports except for the carpeted ramps.  Thankfully my good friend thinks it's amusing to push me up the ramps while running (and she doesn't run quickly so it's not scary....although I don't have handles on my chair, so she has to be precise holding my backrest).  We had enough time to wander a bit and catch dinner (sushi!!) then wander our way to our gate....where I rode the moving walkway in my chair (I know it says not to, but it's fun).

Our short jaunt from Charlotte to Greensboro was pretty awesome.  The plane was maybe half full, so we got to sprawl out as much as we wanted to.  The flight attendant thought we were amusing (I blame the hat and the non-traditionally colored crutch).  I was happy that I got to sit next to the window, which is something that I can't do very often depending on who I'm traveling with and how my body is behaving.

Flying through US Airways has consistently been good with my wheels and adaptive equipment...it also helps that they are usually the most economical airline for most of my travel needs.  Thanks again US Airways & your employees.

Week 4 of the Cyborg Dance Projekt

My crutch plus hip fringe

I was in Minnesota from July 2nd to the 9th, so I missed two weeks of the project.  Since I didn't dance at all (but did watch bellydance at CONvergence!  Posts coming later this week on the convention), I'm counting this as week four!

Photo to the right shows a bronze forearm crutch leaning against a dance studio mirror with multicolored fringe hanging on the cuff of the crutch. Some of the fringe is almost as long as the crutch is tall.  The crutch is slightly reflected in the mirror behind it.

I've been having a rough week since getting back from Minnesota.  While I was physically active on vacation, I didn't do any dancing or physical therapy type things.  I also went right back to work without taking a day to recover from the trip.  Needless to say, my body did not feel like it could handle a dance class....but I knew my mind, heart, and soul needed it.

So I posted on Facebook that "I had a two week dance hiatus because of my trip to MN and it's been a rough several days because of pain....I'm still going to go to class, even if I have to sit my butt on the studio floor and pretend that I'm moving in my head, damnit."  My awesome instructor replied with "I'm sure I can figure out something for you to do on the floor" with a smiley emoticon.  When I saw her before class, I let her know that I was being a little dramatic and just needed to get thoughts out, but that my two week break from dancing showed me that my little Projekt was doing more good than harm (I really wasn't sure if I was just being stubborn because I wanted to dance or if I was seeing some sort of biomechanical benefit along with the pain).  I also realize now, in retrospect, that I had taken prescription pain medication before class, so I think I was being overly chatty and rambling.

Sure enough, my gimpitude inspired a seated drilling class where we focused on really isolating some of our body parts.  Necks, shoulders, chests, even a little hip and glute work (which amazingly did not irritate my spine like a lot of glute work does...probably because of less focus on the gluteus maximus and more with auxiliary glute muscles).  We ended standing with a fun little choreography that she teaches her beginner students and stretching to cool down.  While I had a few balance issues that were pretty easily corrected with a wider stance, my pain level was pretty well under control with the medication (sometimes medication means I'm less mindful of my body's limits and I'll push too far because it doesn't hurt "too badly").

So far, I think the Projekt is a success, although it has caveats.  The real test will be to see how well I can perform, but I'll find that out at the end of the month when I dance Arabian Spices with two of the instructors at Twisted Dance Studios for the 10th anniversary of Sahira's Arabian Spices choreography.  I still don't know if I'm going to have to learn two versions of the choreography depending on my balance issues that day (one that is with the crutch, one without), but I have fabulous people that are supporting me through this!

*zaghareet*

Gimpy geek traveling problems

At the Carolina Renaissance Festival, 2012

Photo on the left was taken outdoors at the Carolina Renaissance Festival in 2012.  My partner and I are standing in front of a flower bush on a dirt path.  He is a light skinned with some visible stubble, wire glasses, with a green floppy hat.  He is wearing a turquoise pirate shirt with a plain collar, khaki pants, and brown shoes and is standing behind me with his hand on my shoulder.  I am seated in a green, black, and silver folding wheelchair without footplates, wearing a large brimmed leather hat with purple and green feathers.  I am wearing a similar shirt in black, black fitted leggings, and knee-high black and green boots that lace up the sides.

As I write this, I'm packing for my annual trip to Minnesota to see family and friends.  Part of my trip is to go to CONvergence, a sci-fi and fantasy convention (here's my post from last year about the con itself). As I pack, I'm realizing how much of my mental energy is devoted to adaptive equipment that I need to bring, and how much body awareness I need to try to make these decisions.

Since the surgery, I've used a variety of adaptive aids to get me through daily life.  Cane, walking stick, or forearm crutch for usual getting around (I'm starting to realize that the forearm crutch is what I really ought to be using on a regular basis as my wrist tendonitis is finally subsiding because of using it, plus it's more stable when I lose my balance).  Leaning on carts in stores or using my partner for balance for longer trips.  My poor sporty wheelchair has been sitting in my car gathering dust though.  I've been trying so hard to be able to tolerate walking with aids (one of my physical therapy goals) that I've been avoiding the wheels (the chair is also about 20 pounds total, which is 15 pounds above what I've been supposed to lift).

Anyhow, as a part of packing for the trip, I feel like I need to somehow have psychic powers in order to know how my spine is going to behave for the trip.  Do I hope for the best, keep the wheels at home, and stick with the crutches?  Do I prepare for the worst and just take the wheelchair?  Should I bring both the wheelchair and the folding cane so I have more choice (even though the cane is less stable and means less walking, plus the potential of it being kicked out from under me accidentally because I'm so short)?  Do I ask my partner and my friend to help be my pack mules at the airport so I can have a crutch and the wheelchair?

On top of just the adaptive equipment, I want to cosplay.  Cosplay can be a lot of fun, but trying to pack costumes and accessories for a flight can be a major hassle.  I'm slowly working on easily packed costumes (like the orange jumpsuit for a Misfits costume), but sometimes a person wants to bring something less easily packed.  For this trip, I really want to bring the jaunty hat that I'm wearing in the above photo.  It's big, especially with the feathers.  Under "normal" circumstances, I could just plop it on my head through the airport and tuck it in an overhead bin on the airplane.  However, this becomes another part of my flying-while-gimp dilemma.  It's another thing that needs to be handled through TSA, along with digging out my quart-sized baggie of toiletries, pulling out my laptop, fussing with my shoes, getting fondled by a TSA agent, having the entire surface of my wheelchair getting swabbed and tested, and then trying to get everything where I need it to be to continue on my journey (chair cushion & seat back put back in proper order, bag reorganized, shoes on, and traveling companions gathered).

It's a hassle, and I just don't know which battles I want to fight.  Maybe if I wasn't a part-time wheeler and part-time stick user.  Maybe if I wasn't an introvert.  Maybe if I didn't want to wear outrageous hats and costumes.  Maybe if my body were more predictable (hell, I'm not even asking for more mobile!).

I've decided to bring the wheels, but I'm undecided on both the cane versus crutch debate.  I'm still waffling on the hat as well.  It is a marvelous hat that I spent too much on at the Carolina Renaissance Festival, and I have so few opportunities to wear something that fantastic.  Should I bring it despite the hassles?